Often times people think the way to get someone to like you or to open up conversation with someone is to compliment them. There’s a way to do it so it’s not so direct and feels safer to you the person on the giving end of the compliment. Today we going to discuss some Do’s and don’ts around complimenting someone to really make an impression and get them attached to you.

#1 Do Play to their Gender Role
“Man, I feel like a woman!” This Country song by Shania Twain basically sums up my point here. Women want a Man who makes her feel like the woman in the relationship and the same is true for men. If you can say something to play to their inner desire to feel validated as a man or woman, then you’ll win a place in their heart. For example, if you’re a guy you could say something like, “I’d like your opinion on this. I feel like a woman’s perspective would be helpful.” Or if you’re a woman, you could say something to the guy like, “I feel really comfortable with you like nothing bad could happen when I’m around you.” This plays to his masculinity and reaffirms in his mind that yes, he’s the man and he would protect you if necessary. People love this stuff. It makes them feel like they’re appreciated and they’ll love you for saying so.

#2 Don’t compliment them on something they didn’t earn
An example of this would be to compliment someone’s eye color or hair. This is something they were born with and really can’t take much credit for so it really doesn’t mean much. Instead, compliment them on their fashion sense. It’s a lot more meaningful and genuine when you receive a compliment about your outfit because this is something we chose. We are responsible for putting our ensemble together and when someone notices this, it’s huge for our ego. Not only is this a more indirect way to compliment someone, it also feels like you’re not having to put yourself out there when you compliment their outfit versus their eyes or hair because you’re complimenting their taste and the clothes.

I remember a client telling me that some woman randomly complimented him on his outfit. It made his day! I even saw later that evening he posted about the occurrence on his Facebook page. Now this gentleman has many great attributes - he’s tall, handsome, and has really pretty blue eyes. There are lots of things someone could compliment him on, but the fact she noticed his fashion sense that day really meant something to him because he could actually take credit for it. He loved that woman for noticing!

#3 Do compliment their Character strengths
For example, let me tell you about Sarah who is a ballerina. When she dances it’s majestic. She’s extremely talented and has been dancing for over 20 years. People are constantly telling her how impressive she is. To compliment her by saying she had a great performance is great, but if you tell her, “Wow you are extremely dedicated and driven. To be able to do what you do, you must be extremely disciplined.” This kind of compliment would make her beam with happiness. The reason is that you’re acknowledging the inner trait that has given her the ability to dance the way she does.

To just compliment her dance is less impactful and makes you sound just like everyone else. She’s probably heard it a million times. But when you compliment her inner personal characteristics, she’ll appreciate and be drawn to you.

What other tips do you have that could help make someone fall for you? Leave them in the comments below.