Hi I'm April Davis matchmaker and dating coach with LUMASearch.com. As a matchmaker and Dating Coach I get asked about flirting all the time. The spectrum of flirting varies on each individual, but there are clear rules to follow to ensure it remains friendly and fun.
Here are some answers to frequently asked questions about flirting:
1. What if your significant other is a huge flirt? What should you brush off and what actions should you actually address?
It’s important to distinguish if they are just being friendly and polite or if they are really flirting. For example, smiling at the waitress and asking her how she’s doing is not flirting. Telling her she’s, “looking good today and must be making a bunch of tips”, crosses the line into flirting and is inappropriate.
Every relationship has a unique set of expectations from one another. If something your partner said to someone bothered you, address the statement. After verbalizing your feelings give them the opportunity to respond. It is just as important to understand your partner's intentions. If the statement is truly innocent both you and your partner need to work out how you move forward. In the future, your partner may be more sensitive to the things they say.
2) What would you classify as innocent and inappropriate flirting for someone who is in a relationship?
There is a fine line between innocent and inappropriate, but most often a person can feel it in their gut. Inappropriate flirting is taking it a step further and making comments, suggesting after hour get togethers, talking or joking about sexual intimacy, giggling, over staying an appropriate amount of time, a wink, or touching are all examples. The gut reaction comes when intentions cross the boundaries of a platonic relationship into a romantic.
3)What are some of the actions that can often be misinterpreted as flirting?
Some people may misconstrue being friendly or polite as flirting, Smiling or asking how are you doing could even come off wrong if your tone and demeanor are more flirtatious. Other examples of easily misinterpreted flirting can include commenting on their clothing or hair, talking, and joking around.
One way to distinguish if it’s inappropriate, ask yourself if this would occur if both of your partners were present.
On the other hand, I once was talking with a client of ours and he told me that women often flirt with him. I asked him to give me examples of this and he said on the way up to our meeting some girl smiled and said hello to him in the elevator. That got me thinking that there are probably hundreds of people who think I was flirting with them where in fact I am just a friendly open person. Being friendly is not always flirting.
Have you ever felt like flirting went too far? Leave your experiences and thoughts in the comments below. Did you like this video? If so, subscribe and click the thumbs up button down below.
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