Hi I'm April Davis matchmaker and dating coach with LUMASearch.com. Today I’m going to be answering a question we received from one of our Members. Alyssa, from Chicago asked, Why is it some of us are always the ones pulling the plug while others always have the rug pulled out from underfoot?
I'd like some input from a relationship expert on what sort of mentality would lead to both behaviors.
Well Alyssa, Dumpers are often people who are afraid to be left so they leave before the person can potentially leave them. They can be people who are facing abandonment issues and maybe they grew up with one or neither parent. They will self-sabotage the relationship at times because they have a belief at how things will turn out (they’ll ultimately get left) and any time the going gets tough, they abandon ship before the other person can.
Dumpers also can just be the type of person who is always looking for the next best thing and cannot commit. They may have a good job, pet, hobby, talent, etc. that keeps them busy and feeling fulfilled so a relationship or at least a relationship that could be replaced with something better, isn’t high on their priority list. Also, they may just have an idea of exactly what they want and aren’t going to settle for anything less than that.
Dumpers also can have a tendency to be people who are addicted to the exciting butterflies in your stomach initial phase of a relationship. I meet many people who think that this is what a relationship is and when things start to even off, they think it’s over. They feel bored once the newness has worn off and often times are more attracted to people who can bring a fair amount of excitement (i.e. drama) into their lives.
Dumpees are often times people who just want so badly to be in a commitment that they will often times sacrifice their own values and standards just to be with someone. You’ll see them labeled as the “too nice” types. By the time they’re getting dumped, they probably should have left the relationship months ago.
Many Dumpees are relationship addicts. They just want to be in a relationship all the time and they don’t really care who with. I had a girlfriend who would just go from one to another to another and every time the guys were completely different and not because she necessarily tried to make it that way. It was just she’d end up dating whatever guy would give her attention.
Dumpees can be perceived to be “clingy” and dependent while in the relationship or they may want more of a commitment (i.e. marriage) more than the people they’re dating.
Another major reason why these people get dumped is because of their issues around jealousy. People who have major insecurities are hard for anyone to be in a relationship with. It’s a constant source of drama and nobody wants that except for maybe someone else who also has trust issues.
Do you have any insight on why some people are always getting dumped while others seem to regularly be the ones to leave the relationship first? Leave them in the comments below. Did you like this video? If so, subscribe and click the little thumbs up button.
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