When you initially meet somebody and get those heart flutters, you may start to think about whether or not this person may be “the One” for you. Sometimes, it may be hard to even consider the possibility that this new person may not be “the One” when all of that initial excitement and hormones start kicking in. However, many people who have experienced falling in and then out of love are worried about the possibility that that they are going to wind up squandering their time with somebody who they will soon discover is the wrong person for them.
When this acknowledgment becomes exposed, you have to start over from the very beginning with another person. But some people feel as if they don’t have any time to waste. Whether or not you feel as if you have “the time” to waste, it is always important to evaluate a relationship before you become too invested. In the long run, it saves you getting too attached and then being devastated when it ends and from the feeling that it was all just a “waste of time.” Here are 4 important things to consider before deciding if the person you’ve been dating is “the one”:
1) Relationship Goals
Obviously, you don’t want to have the “where is this relationship going?” talk too soon, but it is something that definitely needs to be discussed before you get too attached. It is important to know early on what your partner's’ feelings are on commitment, attachment, and even marriage. If you are intent on finding a long term relationship that could turn into marriage, it is necessary to find someone who desires the same thing. A few people meet somebody with various relationship objectives, trusting that they can "change" them. This never works. You have to find someone who has the same relationship goals as you do.
2) Morality and Beliefs
While not always a definitive “deal breaker”, it is extremely important to discuss religious beliefs, moral beliefs, and political beliefs as soon as comfortably possible in a relationship. Generally, couples who differ on religious and/or political beliefs tend to argue a lot, and this has a tendency to make the relationship fail in the long run. Beginning a relationship with somebody who does not see things the same way that you do may turn into an exercise in futility, especially when one or both people are very passionate about their beliefs. It’s a good rule of thumb to date people with the same ideals and principles as you to reduce unnecessary conflict.
3) Shared Interests
This one is debatable and dependent on personal preference, but is nonetheless important. While it isn’t required to enjoy ALL of the same things as the person you’re with, it is still important to enjoy enough of the same things that spending time together is easy and fun instead of a chore. Also, it is generally important that anything that takes up a considerable amount of time is enjoyed mutually. For example, if one of you enjoys sports to such an extent that you are always watching sports and the other person hates sports, that could be a deal breaker.
4) Future Goals
While talking about the future of the relationship is usually left until after you've committed to one another, it is definitely something that needs to be discussed before either of you becomes too attached. It is important that if you see a big change in your future, like having children and/or relocating for work, you talk about it early on. A lot of times we tend to romanticize relationships and feel as if once we fall in love we’ll automatically want the same things, but that is rarely how it works. If the other person never wanted kids, falling in love with you probably won’t make them suddenly decide to want them.
It is critical to consider everything you need out of a relationship and your life before you settle down. Settling for the wrong person will only lead to disappointment and a failed relationship.
Have you ever thought you found "the One" and later discovered that you were dead wrong? Tell us your story in the comments!