Is It Love or Lust I'm Feeling?

Is It Love or Lust I'm Feeling?

We’ve all felt the excitement and rush at the beginning of a new romance. You know what I’m talking about! That out of control feeling of not being able to concentrate on anything else and just wanting to spend every waking and sleeping moment with that special person. You felt obsessed, basically, and if I asked you to think back to what that time was like, I bet you’d be able to remember it vividly.

Thinking back, did you ever wonder if it was love? Maybe love at first sight..? Or maybe it was lust. Love and lust are very different from each other. I’m going to give you some signs that will help you to determine which one it is so you never have to wonder…is it true love?

#1) Understanding Hormones

You know at the beginning of a relationship where you’re really attracted to someone with that physical, sexual arousal? Well, that’s lust. You’ve heard the line “love is blind”. Well it’s not love, it’s lust! When we’re in the initial phase of an attraction, we see the other person as ideal. We don’t notice the red flags and signs that would normally tell us to steer clear because our body is telling us to ignore those signs. Our bodies are releasing the sex hormones causing us to feel this way to try to get us to mate. It’s a thing of nature!

Some people think that this phase is what a relationship is, and don’t understand that it’s just the beginning. Every relationship through this phase and will inevitably come out of it as you move into the next phase of a relationship. The lust starts to fade and you begin to notice all the “negative” things about your partner, but if the relationship continues on, then it will continue to grow and blossom into love.

The hormones stemming from love are quite different than the sex hormones. You’ve probably heard of the feel good hormone, Oxytocin. When you’re in love, your body is releasing Oxytocin which causes you to relax and open up to connecting with your partner.

#2) Two becomes One

When you’re in love you feel a different kind of desire. You want to embed your significant other into your life and build a future and family with them. You’re thinking of the two of you as a unit. No longer is it just you. It’s about both of you together as a couple and your lives are becoming intertwined with hobbies, friends, l living situations, etc. This can also be demonstrated with your language. Do you hear yourself saying “we” versus “I”? If so, this is also a good sign that it’s love.

#3) Deep Connection

Maybe you’ve heard me mention, the 36 questions to make anyone fall in love with you?  The reason why this happens is that these questions get progressively personal and you’re revealing more and more to the other person, which makes you feel more connected. When we fall in love we want to share our past, our secrets and struggles, opinions, goals, passions, hopes and dreams. This brings us closer to each other as we fall in love. Whereas when we’re still just lusting each other, it’s much more high level and superficial. We may share some things, but it never really cracks the surface. You may share information about your job, hobbies, where you’re from, but you’re not ready to reveal anything deep.


Lust and love are very different from each other. It can be very important to know and understand these differences when at the beginning of a relationship and especially for those people considering marriage after only knowing someone for only a short period of time. What about you? Ever thought you were in love only to realize later it was just lust.

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How to Overcome Jealousy

How to Overcome Jealousy

Have you ever felt jealousy that you just couldn’t explain? It wasn’t anything that your partner was doing necessarily. You knew you were wrong in feeling jealous. While feeling insecure in your relationship means that you likely feel insecure in other parts of your life.

The way to address this is by building up your confidence. Do things outside of your relationship that makes you feel good and improve your self-esteem. This, in turn, will help you feel better with your partner.

Some things you can do is focus on the exterior – hit the gym and workout, get a new hairstyle or makeover, or go to the mall to update your look if you haven’t done so in a while. The next step is to look at areas in your life where you can expand. You may consider learning another language, sport, or taking a class. All of these things will help you to expand and feel better about yourself. The final area that you need to focus on is self-love.

I know this sounds kind of corny, but hear me out. We all have those negative voices in the back of our heads that put us down. You need to tell them to shut up and replace the negativity with positive affirmations. Reprogram your brain. Thoughts lead to words, words lead to actions. Positive affirmations are a way to retrain your mind to change your thoughts.

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Make Them Want You: Self-Expansion

Have you ever broke up with someone and then down the road, you see them doing something new and different that they had never done before when you were together?

Or have you ever had an ex resurface when they see you moving on with your life and doing some new things such as travel, or have new hobbies and interests?

When you do something new and different for yourself, it’s called self-expansion. Self-expansion is found to increase sexual attraction when a person sees someone in a new light. In other words, the more someone self-expands by doing new things (like doing a new hobby or learning a new skill such as dancing or learning to ride a motorcycle), the more your ex or current partner will find you attractive and feel excited or aroused by you.

So expanding your skills will not only make you well-rounded and increase your confidence, it will make you more attractive. Sounds like you can’t go wrong there!

What have you done to self-expand? Let us know in the comments below!

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April's Take On Facebook's New Dating Feature

April's Take On Facebook's New Dating Feature

Facebook Looking to Launch New Dating Feature in the US

LUMA CEO April Davis interviewed on KARE11 News to voice her thoughts on the new Facebook Dating Feature. It may launch by end of year here in the US and has already launched in Columbia, Canada, Thailand, and Mexico. Although there can be safety issues with online dating, the new feature could be a hit.

Online Dating Safety Tips

  • You have to use common sense and be careful with anything when meeting people you don't know

  • People aren't who they appear to be online. Sometimes, you meet in person and go ‘the image doesn’t match. Be aware of this!

  • Pro tip: only add people you’ve met or have mutual friends with.

3 Ways to Meet Your Match

3 Ways to Meet Your Match

Here’s 3 quick tips to help you meet your match.

1) Build a great social circle.

Expand your network, join meetup groups, and ask your friends to introduce you to their friends.

2) Don’t be afraid to approach someone you’re attracted to.

Go up to him or her chat. If they’re out at a bar or club, they’re out to meet new people. Smile, say cheers and clink your glasses, ask them what’s the occasion and why they’re out. Also, bring your friends to talk to their friends.

3) Keep your expectations in check.

Just because you think you are attracted to someone physically, doesn’t mean they’ll be good in a relationship. They may not have the skills to be in the relationship you want. Some people may just be a fling. Not all are going to be the one who is right for you long term.

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