Sometimes it can be hard for people to relax and get out of work mode. They treat dates the same way they would treat someone they’re in an interview with. Either they’re interviewing the date to see if he or she checks all their boxes. Or often I hear people talking about themselves, but in a way that sounds more relevant for a job interview and not for dating. They’ll go on and on about their job and their career progression. While all that is great, it’s not necessarily what your date wants to hear about.
Say you’re on a date and your date asks you one of those kinds of questions that are just basic or surface level. Your goal isn’t necessarily to pass the test and answer correctly, because quite frankly that stuff doesn’t matter. Your date knowing your name doesn’t even matter quite frankly. It’s more important to build that connection and chemistry because people will throw their checklist out the window if they meet someone who they have chemistry with. Instead of giving a basic boring answer, you can start talking about something else that is much more interesting. For example, the other day someone asked me where I was from. Instead of telling them the name of the small town and what bigger city it’s close to, I said, “Have you ever seen that movie Fargo? Well, it’s not there. I’m from the other area in the movie where Marge, the state trooper and detective is from. Brainerd, don’t cha know.’ The person who I was talking to played along by taking up the accent too and replying, “Oh ya sure. You betcha. I’ve been up there a time or two. That’s beautiful country up there Aah!”
Of course we start laughing and start the conversation off in a more fun light. He asked me a basic question and I gave a unique and funny answer. You don’t have to be boring and basic just because they’re question was.
The key takeaway here is to notice how you’re showing up when you’re going on a date? Are you presenting the professional work mode version of you like you would at a corporate outing? Or are you showing up relaxed and fun like you would when around your best friends? Make sure you do something to decompress and show up with a playful mindset. Something you might do on the way to your date is to call one of your friends while on your way there, maybe listen to a comedy station or your music loudly and sing along.
What other tips or questions do you have about how to better yourself in the art of conversation? Leave them in the comments below.
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