Approaching a woman you don’t know can be challenging. It also can be straight up intimidating. It’s important to take certain steps so that you don’t come off awkward or too uncertain of yourself. Here are some tips to help the next time you see a lady you would like to meet.
1. Eye contact and body language
Making eye contact can be a way to tell if she’s interested in meeting you. Be careful not to stare, but if you notice that she’s looked at you a couple of times, it could be a sign she’s interested.
A smile is a great way to show you’re interested and a harmless friendly person.
Check out her body language and facial expressions. If she smiles back at you, this could be a great sign. If she has her arms crossed and has a scowl, she’s telling you this may not be the best person to approach.
2. Initial engagement
When you approach her, you’ll want to think of some sort of ice breaker to begin the conversation. There are several options. You could make an observation about something in the area or the service, ask a question that asks for her opinion such as, “How’d you like the sermon today?”, or go ahead and just introduce yourself and say you just saw her and you realized you had never met so you wanted to introduce yourself. The safest and probably most effective is simply making an observation about something in the room or something going on around you.
You may also want to consider warming up to her family she is with and talking to one of them first before going straight for her. This could be a little less awkward and perceived better by her because now she knows you can be trusted more so because you’re a friend of the family.
If she doesn’t seem interested in talking, then it’s best to leave her alone. You will know this if she doesn’t make eye contact, looks around the room for a way to leave the conversation, or is very short with her answers to you.
If she’s friendly, smiling, and even asks you questions back, then these are good signs.
Make small chat – Keep it light and positive. Try to joke around and be funny.
You could give her a compliment.
Say, “XYZ was so funny today”
“I just love coming to XYZ place”
You will want to try to find some common ground in order to build rapport
At some point offer your hand and introduce yourself
As she speaks, be sure to listen for various “hooks”. These are things that give you insight into who she is and allows you to expand the conversation. For example, if she says she is there visiting family, you know two things about her – 1) She has a family and 2) she’s doesn’t live here. You could make your next couple of questions be around both of those topics.
Don’t stand directly shoulders facing each other in front of her. Kind of stand sideways and/or off to the side a bit so as not to intimidate her. Don’t lean in too much, because this can be overbearing.
Offer some information and insight about yourself. Maybe mention what you’re planning on doing that afternoon/evening/weekend or that what you do for work, fun, etc.
Don’t ask too many questions. You don’t want the person to feel like they’re being interrogated. Instead, you should try to do most of the talking and make it entertaining or interesting, but don’t go off on a tangent. You want them to feel like they’re a part of the conversation and not just your audience as you talk about yourself the entire time.
4. Next steps
This may not be the time or place to ask for her number and/or a date. You may just want the first encounter to be casual and friendly. If you see her again, then you could initiate a conversation again and that time ask her to grab a coffee or something some time.
If you decide you want to ask her out now, then do so in the form of a suggestion versus a question. You could say, “I’d like to continue this conversation. Why don’t you give me your number and I can call you so we can grab a coffee someday.”
Don’t run home and call her right away. Wait two days and then make the call to set up the time to get together.
5. Practice. Practice. Practice.
Don’t just wait to use these tips on the one woman you’re attracted to. Practice engaging in conversation with someone new on a daily basis.
Set a goal for yourself to initiate and engage in conversation with someone new at least twice a day. Make the goal a time of at least 30 seconds, then raise it to a minute, and so on. Talk to the person at the gas station, someone else at church, etc.. The more often you do this and practice, the better you will be at it, and more confident you’ll be when you do finally go and talk to her.
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